For many of us, living in America right now feels like having to cope with a family member or close friend with an addiction problem.
There is no rhyme or reason to what they do or how they justify it, and the more you try to talk some sense into them the less sense any of it makes.
What they are doing to themselves and everyone who loves and cares about them rips your heart out. You want to scream at them and at the same time wrap them in a hug. You go to bed every night worrying about what will happen the next day.
Worst of all, you know that if they continue down the path they’re on it will not lead to a good end, that it will likely turn tragic.
You also know it doesn’t have to be this way, if only they would just see what they’re doing to themselves. Every day you live in the hope that they finally do, but there is nothing you can say to get them to that point.
Deep down you know the only way things will change is for the person caught in addiction to decide to change. The odds are against them, of course. Only 4 out of 10 people in AA make it out of addiction.
If you’ve had this kind of experience you know exactly what I’m talking about. Seeing someone being controlled by something that is destroying them and not be able to do anything about it is the most helpless feeling a person can ever have.
The only solace is when you discover there actually is something you can do. You can let them go. You don’t stop loving them, caring for them, being there in any way you actually can. You simply stop trying to change them and accept the fact that you have no control over them.
Sounds easier than it is. That’s because we want the best for the person in trouble. We would do anything within reason to help them, but the truth is, all we can do is to support what they’re willing to do. If they don’t want to change, nothing will.
The hard reality is that addiction doesn’t listen to reason. It’s something that usually happens gradually, subtly, and once it does denial becomes its primary defense.
I realize the analogy is not exact, but dealing with a person caught in addiction is the way being an anti-Trump American feels like right now.
Trump is like a dangerous drug, his presidency toxic to the point of being deadly, what with his ICE agents killing Americans in the streets of our country and soldiers and civilians dying because of his war of choice with Iran.
Yet, his supporters seem to need him the same way an alcoholic needs a drink or an addict needs a fix. They are in denial about the toxic nature of the Trump presidency to such a degree that they make the most absurd and even silly arguments on his behalf as if they make sense.
One of them recently told me that my problem was that I refuse to see anything good Trump is doing. I could have asked him to do the same thing, name one good thing Trump has done. I didn’t because that would have been affirming his silly argument that one thing, if such a thing actually existed, was justification enough to ignore the hundreds of very bad things he is doing.
Here’s the problem. You cannot reason with someone caught in addiction because reason didn’t put them there in the first place. The emotional and psychological dimension to their addiction overrides reason and logic. They sometimes know what you’re saying is true, but they are not capable of responding to it constructively.
The same can be said about Trumpers, which means the only sane thing to do with them is the same sane thing anyone who has tried to help an alcoholic and drug addict does, you let them go.
That’s what the majority of Americans must do with Trumpers. We have to let them go, leave them to their addiction to a man they refuse to believe is toxic for them and for the country.
They may be people we care about, care about a lot in some instances, people we love, people we’ve been friends with for years, and now we have to let them go.
It’s not easy to do that, of course. It may feel like the most difficult thing we’ve ever had to do because we know the rupture may be permanent.
We won’t know for sure until Trump is gone, but it’s possible the post-Trump era will include permanently broken relationships, or at the very least a broken trust with people we once believed were reasonable, sensible, and possessed good judgment.
There are also “the drinking buddies” of Trumpers who are among those we must let go. They are not MAGA voters per se, but who seldom think about politics and may have cast a vote for Trump or not voted at all, thereby either way enabling Trump by default.
So this is life in America today. I think history will record it as utterly unique because no politician as mentally disturbed, intellectually incompetent, and deeply corrupt as Donald Trump has ever gained such a national following.
Our system is proving that even as Trump is damaging it in numerous ways, it is also proving resilient and will be standing when he is gone, albeit we will be far less naive than we were about how vulnerable our democracy is to unprincipled politicians.
Until then, we have no choice but to do our best to cope with people we know and care about who are living reminders of the hard truth that no one is so blind as the person who refuses to see.
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